Beginnings
by kellym64
Summary: Repost of my story Beginnings. Brittany leaves Santana and Rachel is there to pick up the pieces. Mentions of Faberry and Britanna but completely Pezberry. DISCONTINUED.
1. Brittany

**A/N **_This is my first attempt at publishing any of my writing so please bear with me._

**Brittany.**

She was Santana Maria Berry-Lopez now. It had to be Berry first because, even though she wouldn't say it out loud, she's whipped and she'd do anything for her girl. She smiles thinking about her wife at home, and their small baby girl. She gets so lost in her thoughts that she almost forgets the other woman standing in front of her  
"You're married?" she takes a moment to look at her before she answers. The woman she thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with, the one person that was never supposed to hurt her  
"Yeah. Two years" the blonde nods and takes a moment to stare at the ring now adorning Santana's left ring finger  
"Who's the lucky girl?" she can hear the slight resentment in the blondes voice but she doesn't pay too much attention to it, she moved on, just like she was supposed to  
"Rachel" she holds back a laugh when the blondes eyes widen  
"As in, Rachel Berry?" Santana does laugh this time because even now it sounds weird, she never imagined that's who she'd be spending the rest of her life with  
"The one and only" she remembers how Rachel had been there every night after Brittany left, holding her whilst she cried  
"Wow." The blonde breathes out and shakes her head. Santana takes a moment to just look at the woman in front of her. This is the first time she's seeing her in just over four years, she looks different, a lot different from the last time Santana saw her

_"It's over" there's no emotion in her voice, or her face. Nothing  
"What do you mean it's over? You're leaving me" the tears have already formed in her eyes and she uses all of her strength to push them away, willing them not to fall  
"I'm leaving. I can't be with you anymore" Santana shakes her head, this isn't happening  
"No. You can't leave." She tries to ignore the fact that Artie has just moved to New York and Brittany had been spending a lot of time with him, that isn't what this is about  
"I'm leaving Santana. It's over" Santana shakes her head again and takes a step towards the blonde  
"Please don't do this, let me fix this" the blonde shakes her head and takes a step backwards, keeping her distance from the Latina  
"There isn't anything to fix" there's still nothing there, no emotion, not even sadness  
"Why? Why are you leaving?" Brittany shakes her head and Santana knows she doesn't want to hear this but she's not letting her go without an explanation  
"I…Santana…" she lets out a long breath before starting again "I'm not happy. I…and…Artie and I want to try us again" she thinks, if it's possible, her heart actually just fell apart. Santana shakes her head and the tears finally fall  
"No. You aren't supposed to leave. Please, don't leave me" she knows she's begging but there isn't anything else she can do. This isn't supposed to happen  
"I'm sorry Santana. Goodbye" Brittany picks up a suitcase that's resting beside the door and takes one last look at Santana before leaving the apartment. Santana stands in the same spot for what feels like hours, until the tears stop falling and she falls. Her knees buckle underneath her and her shins hit the floor with a thud. She doesn't care about the pain right now, it's a distraction from the one now residing deep inside her chest. Brittany is, was, the one. She was never supposed to leave, especially not like this._

Santana is snapped out of her thoughts when she realises Brittany is waving her hand in front of Santana's face  
"Are you okay?" the dark haired girl smiles and nods her head  
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good" the blonde raises an eyebrow but nods her head and smiles anyway  
"Do you want to go for coffee or something? It would be nice to catch up" she thinks about Rachel and their baby girl waiting for her to come home for dinner  
"Sure. That sounds good"


	2. The beginning

**A/N - _Brittana mentions. Pezberry will be here soon!__  
_**

**Hurt.**

She thinks it's maybe been two hours since the blonde left but she wouldn't know her up from her down right now. There's an empty bottle of vodka lying next to her on the floor and she's got a hand pressed to her mouth to try and smother the sobs. Someone had been knocking at the door for about five minutes and the sound is starting to echo inside Santana's head. She can't answer it because she knows, she knows it isn't who she wants it to be  
"Santana" she almost falls off her bed when there is a sudden intrusion of noise in her bedroom  
"Piss off" the words fall out of her mouth before she even has a chance to think about them and she reaches for the bottle of wine she left next to her bed  
"Sweetie, I think you've had enough" a small hand wraps around her wrist and she glares at it. Rachel Berry is actually standing in her bedroom trying to tell her what to do  
"I told you to piss off midget" Rachel sighs and moves the wine bottle out of Santana's reach  
"Santana, honey" she brushes Santana's hair away from her face and cups her cheek so tenderly that Santana wants to start crying all over again  
"She left" Rachel nods and sits down next to Santana on the bed "she isn't coming back" Rachel pulls Santana into her and it takes a moment for the Latina to realise that she's crying again  
"Shh, you're okay. I'm here" and that's all it takes for Santana to start sobbing into Rachel's shoulder. She hates being this weak, this vulnerable, but she can't stop it. The pain won't go away.

She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knows she's opening her eyes to a pitch black room and there is someone sleeping beside her. She's glad she didn't open the curtains this morning, she's sure the daylight would blind her right now. It takes a minute for her to remember that it's Rachel sleeping beside her and not Brittany. It isn't until then that the full force of her day hits her. The pain makes her want to scream and the aching in her chest just won't go away, no matter how hard she tries. Rachel stirs beside her and Santana lets out a deep breath, her head is pounding  
"Santana, are you awake?" the Latina mumbles and she hears more than sees Rachel get off the bed and leave the room. Before she can ask where she's going Rachel is back and turning the bedside lamp on. The light is bright and it hurts her eyes but Rachel passes her a glass of water and a couple of aspirin so she isn't complaining, not yet anyway "how are you feeling?" she shrugs whilst downing the rest of the water and Rachel takes the glass from her and places it on the bedside table  
"I'm okay" she shrugs again and rests her head on her pillow, willing all the pain to go away  
"It's okay not to be you know" Rachel runs her fingers down Santana's bare arm and the Latina finds herself closing her eyes and just enjoying the feeling, she think she might fall asleep until Rachel speaks again "do you need anything?" she thinks about it for a moment but just shrugs. All she wants is for someone to hold her, for someone to tell her it's all going to be okay, but she isn't going to tell Rachel that  
"I'm okay" she repeats and Rachel shifts on the bed. When she opens her eyes again Rachel is lying next to her, her face only inches away from Santana's  
"Turn around" Santana raises an eyebrow at the girl but does it anyway "it's going to be okay" Rachel states as she slings her arm over Santana's stomach and pulls the taller girls back into her front. Santana successfully holds back the tears this time but for a second wonders how Rachel knew exactly what she needed. She doesn't dwell on it too long and just enjoys listening to Rachel hum softly into her ear. She falls asleep and dreams of Brittany, and everything they should have had together.

When she wakes up again the other side of the bed is empty  
"should probably get used to that" she mumbles, thinking about how she no longer gets to wake up to Brittany pressed against her side. She wants to get out of bed, to see if Rachel is still here, but doesn't. The desire to burrow into her covers and never come out is too overwhelming to ignore. She doesn't want to talk to anyone, doesn't want to have to explain to anyone and she definitely doesn't want anyone's pity. The covers have just gone over her head when they are pulled off of the bed completely. Santana sits up in shock and glares at Rachel who is standing at the end of the bed with a smug smile on her face  
"what the fuck Berry?" she tries to pull the covers back but Rachel holds them tightly in her grip  
"I have to leave" Rachel is sure she's sees sadness flit across Santana's face but it's gone before she can really see it  
"Okay" Santana successfully pulls the covers back this time and throws them back over her body  
"I can come back later if you want, after my show?" she feels the smaller girl sit down on the edge of the bed but doesn't come out from under the cover  
"No thanks" her reply is muffled but she knows Rachel has heard her when she hears the brunette sigh and get off the bed. She waits until she hears the front door close before reaching her hand out of the covers and grabbing the bottle of wine.

At what she thinks is about midnight her phone buzzes on the bedside table. Her first thought is that she should ignore it but what if it's Brittany?  
**"Are you sure you don't want me to come back? – R"****  
**Santana sighs and throws her phone onto the floor, of course it wasn't Brittany. Why the fuck would Brittany be texting her? She grabs the pillow that's lying next to her head and holds it against her face. It doesn't smell of Brittany. All she can smell is washing powder and Rachel. That isn't what she wanted, she wants Brittany. She wants Brittany here to hold her, to tell her everything is going to be okay. Her phone buzzes again and she groans  
"Fuck off Berry" she mumbles and pulls her laptop onto her bed  
**"Brittany S. Pierce is in a relationship with Artie Abrams" **is the first thing she sees when she opens her facebook. There are 13 likes and 24 comments. She clicks on the comments without really thinking  
**"Quinn Fabray – B, call me!"****  
****"Noah Puckerman – no no, this is wrong"****  
****"Mercedes Jones – what?!"****  
****"Finn Hudson – I don't understand…" **she rolls her eyes at this comment, she still hasn't forgiven him for outing her  
**"Quinn Fabray – Britt****any NOW!"****  
****"Kurt Hummel – Am I being punk'd?" **she lets out a little laugh at this one, her and Kurt had kind of formed a bit of a dysfunctional friendship towards the end of senior year  
**"Tina Cohen-Chang – I want to say congratulations but wow…"****  
****"Noah Pucke****rman – not cool dudes, not cool" **she rolls her eyes but it warms her heart a little to know that Puck is still looking out for her. She skims through the next few comments, most of them very similar to the first ones but stops when she comes across a particularly interesting one  
**"Artie Abrams – you're all making Brittany very upset"****  
****"Finn Hudson – I thought Brittany was with Santana? Did I miss something?"****  
****"Quinn Fabray – shut up Hudson!"****  
****"Quinn Fabray – and Artie, she shouldn't expect anything different!" **Quinn and Artie argue back and forth for a few comments and then Santana stumbles across something unexpected  
**"Rachel Berry – you're all arguing on here but have any of you even thought of trying to contact Santana?" **there aren't any comments after Santana smiles when she's that Blaine has liked Rachel's comment. Her phone has been buzzing for about five minutes so she picks it up off the floor  
**Eight new messages and 4 missed calls.****  
**She rolls her eyes. Three of the missed calls are from Quinn and one from Puck  
**"San, when you're ready you know where to find me – Q"****  
****"Call me, you know, if you want to – Puck"****  
****"Can you at least reply so I know you're okay? – R" **the next five text messages are from Quinn so she ignores them and throws her phone back onto the floor. There is an ache deep in her chest, it feels like her soul is being ripped apart. The tears don't come this time though, they just stay stuck deep in her throat, chocking her  
**Santana Lopez went from being "in a relationship" to "single". **The comments come almost immediately, as if people were waiting for her. She closes her laptop with a sigh, not caring when it thuds on the floor as she pushes it off the bed.


	3. Crash

**_A/N - I'm not sure if I like this chapter or not, but here you go. I hope you like it better than I do._  
**

**Crash.**

Rachel lets herself into the house the next day and is welcomed by loud music and smoke. For a second she panics that Santana's apartment is on fire but quickly realises that she's mistaken when she finds Santana spread out across her bed with a cigarette in her mouth  
"Santana!" Rachel shouts over the music but receives no reply. The brunette walks over to the huge music system in the corner of the room and pulls the plug  
"I was listening to that" Santana states blankly, pulling her cigarette out from between her lips and squashing it on the carpet  
"You'll ruin your vocal chords" Rachel explains pointing to the pack of cigarettes sitting next to the bed. Santana shrugs and pulls herself into a sitting position  
"Like I care" Rachel takes a look around the room and shakes her head. She'd only been gone a day and she could count about five empty bottles of wine and vodka in the bedroom alone  
"Santana, you need to take care of yourself" the Latina laughs bitterly and Rachel frowns  
"Why do you care? Just fuck off Berry, I'm perfectly fine here by myself" the brunette laughs causing Santana to glare at her. Rachel doesn't say anything more to Santana, just starts cleaning around her. Santana goes back to laying spread out across the bed and neither of them says a word to each other for hours  
When Rachel finishes tidying she turns towards Santana to find the Latina staring at her  
"Why are you here?" Santana asks harshly  
"To make sure you're okay" Santana laughs and Rachel lets out a deep breath. She knows Santana is struggling right now but she's beginning to lose her patience with the girl  
"Can you just leave" Rachel shakes her head and Santana groans "Seriously hobbit, piss off" the brunette takes a seat on the edge of the bed when she notices tears gathering in Santana's eyes  
"Do you really want me to leave?" she receives no reply and Santana rolls onto her front and buries her face into her pillow, the one that no longer smells like Brittany. Santana doesn't want her to leave but she's getting that all too familiar lump in the back of her throat and the tears are burning in her eyes. She wants to stop being so weak in front of Rachel. Santana Lopez isn't weak and she doesn't cry. She needs to stop crying "Santana, it's okay" Rachel rests her hand on the Latina's arm when she notices her shaking  
"It's not okay. Nothing is fucking okay!" she shouts as she lifts her head from the pillow  
"Santana…" Rachel starts but Santana shakes her head  
"No. Does everything look okay to you? Just fucking leave already" she shouts and feels slightly guilty when Rachel flinches "I said leave! Fuck off" she shouts when Rachel doesn't move from her spot on the bed  
"I'm not going anywhere Santana, can you just stop shouting at me" Santana takes a deep breath but there's an anger building up in her chest and she needs to get it out. She needs Rachel to leave so she can just get back under her covers and forget that any of this is happening  
"Fuck off Rachel. Just fuck off" she doesn't mean to do it but she pushes her arms out and the next thing she knows Rachel is lying flat on her back on the floor next to the bed. She covers her face and pushes herself as far away as possible when she hears Rachel whimper. Her hands fall away from her face when she hears an unfamiliar ringtone and Rachel getting up off the floor. She opens her eyes just in time to see Rachel limping out of the room  
"No no, I'm okay. Quinn can you just…" the brunette sighs and runs her fingers through her hair. Santana is trying her hardest to listen but her head is pounding and it's really hard to concentrate when the room is spinning violently "Okay. Yes I understand. Quinn, I'm okay. I know what I'm doing okay?" there is about a minute of silence and Santana can practically hear the smile in Rachel's voice when she speaks again "I love you too, Q. Yes, okay. Bye". Santana hears shuffling and then throws herself back onto her bed when she hears Rachel walking back towards the bedroom  
"You and Q fucking now then?" she doesn't mean for the words to spill out of her mouth but she's never had a good filter and the alcohol just makes it worse. She isn't facing Rachel so she misses the flinch and the look of hurt that flashes across the brunette's face  
"No we aren't. Quinn and I are just friends, you know that Santana" she can hear the hurt in Rachel's voice and she just wants her to leave, she doesn't deserve this. Santana curls herself into a ball and closes her eyes, hoping that when she opens them again Rachel will be gone.

When she wakes up there is a glass of water and two aspirin sitting on her bedside table. She thinks about sending Rachel a thank you text but realises she doesn't have to when she hears the brunette humming to herself in another room. Santana's apartment isn't particularly big and she likes that. She and Brittany had picked it out just after Santana had finished college  
"Shit" she shouts and Rachel comes rushing into the room  
"What? What is it? What's wrong?" Santana wants to laugh at the frantic look on Rachel's face but she's too busy worrying about the fact that she's probably been fired  
"Work. I haven't been to work in two days and I haven't called in sick. Shit, where's my phone?" she asks, throwing clothes across the floor in search of her phone  
"Oh. I already phoned them for you" the Latina lets out a deep breath and seriously considers hugging Rachel  
"Thank you" she decides against the hug, she probably smells and Rachel definitely wouldn't appreciate that "I'm sorry" she mumbles when Rachel goes to walk out of the room  
"What?" the brunette turns around and Santana rolls her eyes  
"I know you heard me. I'm sorry, you know, for earlier" Rachel smiles and nods her head  
"I think you mean yesterday" Santana raises an eyebrow questioningly and Rachel chuckles  
"It's Thursday" Rachel states before walking out of the bedroom, once again humming to herself. Santana stands in the middle of her bedroom trying to remember the days, she hasn't really been in bed for three days has she? She's shaken out of her thoughts when she hears her phone ringing somewhere in her bedroom, when did she take that off silent?  
"You might want to answer that, your mom has called you about six times and we telling her you're okay isn't getting tiring" Santana rolls her eyes and searches for her phone. She finds it just as the ringing stops and groans loudly. It starts ringing again just as she's about to put it down  
"Hola mamá" she waits for the shouting, for her mother to moan at her for not answering the phone the first time she called  
"mi niña hermosa, me enteré de lo que pasó" it only takes her mother's caring voice for Santana to dissolve into tears  
"What do I do mamá?" she asks through her sobs  
"oh cariño, va a estar bien" Santana sits down on the bed and listens to her mother's comforting words. She's on the phone for about an hour but the tears stopped a while ago, her mother successful at calming her down  
"Te amo mami" she takes a deep breath and turns her head when Rachel walks into the room  
"I love you too baby" she hangs up and keeps her eyes locked on Rachel  
"You okay?" Rachel asks and Santana shakes her head, dissolving into tears ago  
"It hurts, it just hurts too much" Santana mumbles as she presses her face into the brunette's shoulder and sobs "I want it to stop" Rachel holds back her own tears as she holds Santana against her  
"I know sweetie, I know" she lays them both down on the bed and silently promises that she's going to be there every step of the way, no matter what.

**Spanish translations (I apologise if they aren't right)**

Hola mama – hello mum  
mi niña hermosa, me enteré de lo que pasó - my beautiful girl, I heard what happened  
oh cariño, va a estar bien – oh baby, it's going to be alright  
Te amo – I love you


	4. Pain

**A/N **_Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all enjoyed the last day of 2012 and I hope that 2013 brings you all the happiness you deserve. I've written this chapter with an extreme hangover but I like this one and I liked writing it as well. It's a bit of a short one but I hope you enjoy it _:)**  
**

**Pain.**

The pain was overwhelming. She had started to think that it was going to take over. There was nothing else to feel except the pain. When it wasn't aching deep in her chest it was pounding in her head. Or it was consuming her whole body and leaving her defenceless and vulnerable. She was currently in the shower for the first time in days. The water was turned up to a point where she could only just bear. Just for a moment though she could pretend that all her pain was washing down the drain with the water. She watched the water swirl around the plug hole before disappearing completely and she wondered if that was possible for her as well. If she could just disappear for a little while, find a nice quiet place and just stay there. Until the pain had gone away, until Brittany was no longer her only thought. Until the words "it's over" stopped echoing in her head. When she stepped out of the shower she stood naked in the middle of the bathroom for a while. She could hear Rachel singing in the kitchen and the pain just multiplied. Brittany used to do the exact same thing, but she would never sing as in tune as Rachel is. Her heart picks up pace suddenly and she has to take a deep breath to control the panic that has quickly settled in her chest. It's the first time this is happening and she can't breathe. She reaches for something to hold onto when the room starts spinning around her but the steam from the shower has just made everything slippery. Her hand slips and she just about catches herself when Rachel knocks on the door asking if she's okay. Santana can't find the words to reply though. They are there, she knows what she wants to say but when she opens her mouth nothing comes out. The words get stuck in her throat and she has to take another deep breath. The panic that has settled in her chest is spreading across and up into her throat. She feels like someone is choking her. Holding their hands tightly around her throat  
"Santana, I'm coming in" the door opens before she can protest, not that she'd be able to anyway, and the first thing Rachel does is wrap a towel around Santana's body  
"can't…" she takes in a deep breath but struggles to let it out again "breathe…" she presses one hand against her chest and uses the other one to grip Rachel's t-shirt tightly  
"It's okay, I've got you" Rachel sits Santana on the edge of the bathtub and bends down so they are at eye level with each other "look at me Santana, look right at me" the Latina's eye wander around the room before settling on Rachel. She inhales again but it catches in her throat as she breathes out. No matter how hard she tries she can't breathe out and the panic has spread across her entire body now. She can feel it in her fingertips, tingling with fear. Her grip on Rachel's t-shirt loosens when she starts getting light headed and Rachel grips her forearms  
"Santana. Santana, breathe with me okay? In and out slowly" Rachel presses Santana's hand to her chest, trying to get the taller girl to follow her breathing pattern "okay, you're okay" Santana doesn't realise she's crying until Rachel swipes her thumb under her eye and cups her cheek  
"fuck" she manages to mumble out and Rachel lets out a really deep breath  
"Okay. Better?" Rachel asks and Santana can only nod. She's still light headed but she can feel the panic slowly disappearing. Her fingertips are no longer tingling and her arms feel less like jelly. The panic is kind of just sat on her chest now, like that one bird that sits outside your bedroom window singing really early on a Sunday morning. It's annoying but it isn't causing any pain, and she can't do anything about it but at least she can breathe clean air in and out again "god, don't scare me like that again" Rachel's voice breaks slightly towards the end of her sentence and before Santana can react the smaller woman is pulling her into her body. She doesn't really know if Rachel is aware that apart from a towel Santana is completely naked. If she does know then she obviously doesn't care because she's gripping onto Santana like she's about to float away. But really, sitting on the edge of her bathtub with Rachel wrapped around her, Santana has never felt more grounded.


	5. No

**No.**

Santana decides to go back to work a week and a half after Brittany leaves. She wakes up, nudges Rachel and announces that she's getting up for work. She didn't spend all those years doing an internship at a stupid law firm for nothing  
"Do you have any plans for tonight?" she asks Rachel as she pulls on her jacket. Rachel is still lying on the bed, the covers pulled all the way up to her chin. It doesn't really register to Santana that Rachel hasn't left the apartment since Brittany left. Only going to work and back or to her own apartment for clothes. She's been here every night, holding Santana whilst she cried  
"Erm, I don't think so" Santana nods and grabs her keys from the bedside table  
"Okay. I'll see you later then?" she asks, not wanting to make Rachel think she has to be here  
"Yeah, sure" they smile at each other before Santana leaves the apartment, rubbing at her chest when the panic flares up slightly.  
When she gets home that evening the first thing she notices is that her apartment seems different. It takes her a while to figure out what's changed but when she does figure it out it hits her like a fast moving train  
"Brittany's been here" she doesn't realise that she's spoken out loud until Rachel looks at her hesitantly  
"She came to get her stuff, you just missed her" Santana flinches and the panic inches its way up to her throat. She takes a deep breath and pushes it down, begging it to just stay where it is  
"Okay" she can't get any more words out and if she tries Rachel will know something is wrong and Santana just needs to be alone right now. She sits down on the edge of her bed and rubs her temple softly. Her bedroom looks tidy and the difference is noticeable. There are gaps where Brittany's stuff used to be and the whole room looks out of proportion. The panic successfully reaches her throat and she lies down, only meaning to close her eyes for a second.  
"Santana. Wake up" someone grabs onto her shoulder and shakes her but she just groans and moves away from the intrusion. She's having a good sleep, a sleep that doesn't involve Brittany. Well not entirely anyway "I got Thai, it's going to go cold" her eyes open quickly and she almost closes them again when she sees how close Rachel is to her face. They are close enough that she can feel Rachel's breath washing across her face  
"I'm….i'm getting up" Rachel nods but takes a moment to move away. When she does move away she leaves the room without so much as looking at the Latina. Santana shakes her head and pushes it to the back of her head, it was nothing that needed thinking about.

Santana thinks she's making progress until she wakes up in the middle of the night screaming. Her head is full of everything Brittany and her chest is so tight she struggles to reach across and wake Rachel  
"huh what?" the smaller woman wakes with a start and rubs at her eyes, only really registering what is happening when Santana gasps for breath. She pulls Santana towards her and places one of the Latina's hands on her chest "just feel me breathing, follow that" she explains and Santana leans forward and presses her face into Rachel's shoulder. Her head is spinning but she isn't sure if it's because of the lack of oxygen or Rachel's intoxicating smell. Breathing in Rachel calms her down almost immediately and she slumps against the brunette  
"tired" she mumbles and feels Rachel place a kiss on the top of her head. She's already falling asleep against the brunette and just can't find the energy to move herself  
"Okay. I've got you" Rachel lays them both down and holds Santana against her. She ignores the way her heart races when Santana sighs in her sleep and wraps her arms around Rachel's waist. She also chooses to ignore the fact that she stays up for another hour just stroking Santana's hair, making sure that she doesn't wake up again.

The next couple of weeks go by without too much incidence. Santana keeps waking up wrapped around Rachel and analysing that and what it means has started to take over her thoughts of Brittany. She wakes up one Sunday morning to find herself wrapped around the tiny brunette, her head resting against Rachel's chest. One of Rachel's arms are wrapped around Santana's waist and it's then that Santana realises she hasn't woken up in a panic since this started happening. She lets herself revel in the comfort Rachel brings. Years ago, if someone had told her that one day she'd be spending every morning cuddling with Rachel Berry she probably would have slapped them. Rachel starts to stir underneath her but Santana doesn't untangle herself like she usually does. She knows Rachel knows how they've been sleeping, she's woken up a couple of times to find Rachel gently stroking her hair or running her fingers up her arm  
"Morning" she hears Rachel mumble and she just hums, not wanting to leave the warmth of her bed and also not wanting to be allowed time to over analyse whatever is happening here "are you okay" Rachel asks, her fingers running slowly through Santana's hair. She nods and Rachel starts humming softly almost sending Santana back to sleep. Rachel just enjoys the peace and quiet, not wanting to think too much about the butterflies that have settled in her stomach. The moment is ruined for both girls when Rachel's phone rings from its place on Santana's desk  
"You better get that" Santana announces and rolls away from Rachel. Both girls miss the presence of the other almost immediately and Santana sighs into her pillow. This feels a lot more complicated than it seems  
"No" she hears Rachel whimper and the Latina sits up and watches as the colour drains from Rachel's face "no no no" the brunette is shaking her head now and tears are running endlessly down her face  
"Whoa, what? What is it?" Santana is out of bed and by Rachel's side immediately. Rachel brings her hand to her mouth, letting out a single sob before facing Santana and saying one word that sends the Latina's heart plummeting to her stomach  
"Quinn"

_**Don't hate me! The next chapter is being written and should be up either by the end of today or tomorrow morning. Hope you're enjoyed it!**_


	6. Quinn

**Quinn.**

Rachel can't remember how they got to the hospital. The last thing she remembers is picking up the phone and hearing Mrs Fabray's voice on the other end. She doesn't remember anything that was said past the words "hospital" and "it doesn't look good". This can't be happening again. There is no way she is losing Quinn. Quinn is not going to die. That's what she's repeating in her head, over and over. Because Quinn isn't going to die. Quinn Fabray is strong  
"Quinn Fabray" she hears Santana state. The woman behind the desk looks at them sceptically. She probably thinks they are both crazy, both girls still in their pyjamas and Rachel looking like she's about to pass out  
"Are you family?" Santana groans  
"Yes. We're her cousins now tell me where the fuck she is" the woman glares at Santana and Rachel sighs  
"I'll just get a doctor for you" the woman states before walking away. Santana slouches against the desk and watches Rachel out of the corner of her eye. The brunette has her arms crossed firmly across her chest and is muttering quietly to herself  
"Rach" she whispers and reaches out to place a hand on Rachel's shoulder. The smaller girl flinches and Santana immediately withdraws her hand "she's strong. She'll be okay" Rachel lets out a small whimper and Santana holds her arms out for the girl. She stumbles when Rachel falls into her, smothering her sobs in Santana shirt  
"I can't Santana. I can't" she wraps her arms around the girl and just holds her. She hadn't realised until this very moment just how close Quinn and Rachel had become in the past few years. Sure, she'd stayed in contact with Quinn but that was a few phone calls, texts and emails. Rachel is on the phone to Quinn almost every day and if they don't talk on the phone they are texting. She knows it isn't anything past friendship but she knows it's a lot more than Santana ever had with Quinn.  
Rachel is still sobbing into Santana's shoulder when the doctor comes to greet them. He gives Rachel a worried look but Santana silently signals for him to start  
"Rach, the doctors here" she whispers in the brunette's ear and Rachel moves her face slightly but stays wrapped in Santana's arms  
"I'm Dr Matthews. Quinn is in surgery at the moment but we have the best people working on her. I promise we are doing the best we can to help her" Santana nods and tighten her grip on Rachel when she pulls in a shuddering breath  
"What happened?" the doctor seems conflicted for a second but then nods his head and gestures for the sits just behind them. Santana lets go of Rachel but takes her hand and leads them to the chairs. Once they are sat down Dr Matthews takes a deep breath and begins  
"As far as we are aware Ms Fabray was walking back to her apartment when a group of girls approached her and well, to put it lightly girls, they beat the crap out of her" Santana likes the man for his bluntness but Rachel gasps and Santana squeezes their still entwined hands "we will know more about her injuries once the surgery is over but she's hanging in there. She's one tough cookie" Santana lets out a sort of breathy laugh and nods her head  
"So we're hopeful?" Santana asks and the doctor nods his head  
"There is one other thing…" he pauses and looks at both of them "are either of you Rachel?" Rachel tightens her grip on Santana's hand and lifts her head  
"That's me" she voice breaks and Santana pulls her closer  
"Before we took Quinn into surgery she asked me to…" he clears his throat and stares right into Rachel's eyes "she asked me to tell you that she's sorry and that she loves you. She also wanted me to make you promise that you'd tell Beth that she loves her" Rachel tries to reply but before she can she's doubled over sobbing into her hands. Quinn had developed a strong relationship with Beth throughout the years. Both girls sharing an equally strong love for each other  
"The people that did this, do you know who they are?" there is a threatening tone in Santana's voice and the doctors eyes widen slightly  
"They, erm, they are already in police custody" Santana deflates slightly and the doctor raises his eyebrow "I'll speak to you girls soon, okay?" Santana nods distractedly, already working on calming Rachel down.  
An hour later Judy and Russell Fabray march into the waiting room. Rachel stands and rushes towards Judy. The older woman wraps Rachel in a hug and rubs her back comfortingly. When they pull away Rachel gives Russell a stern nod and walks back towards Santana  
"Santana" Judy smiles "I'd say it's good to see you but well, I can't" Santana nods and stands to greet the woman with a small hug. She doesn't even register Russell's presence and the man seems to do the same with Santana "how is she?" Judy asks and Santana goes to tell them but catches Dr Matthews out of the corner of her eye  
"You must be Quinn's parents. I'm Dr Matthews" he shakes their hands and takes a deep breath. Santana braces herself and wraps one arm around Rachel's waist. The brunette is shaking and Santana can tell exactly what she's thinking. They are both thinking the same thing. Rachel's head is swimming. She's waiting for it, for those words. The doctors seems to be taking his time with the explanation and he really isn't giving them any hope  
"Quinn has suffered some very serious injuries…" he starts and Rachel kind of switches off. She doesn't want to hear this, she just wants her Quinn. Rachel needs Quinn to be okay "…even with these injuries we are confident that Quinn will eventually make a full recovery. It will take a while but we're confident that she'll be okay" Rachel's knees buckle underneath her but Santana catches her before she hits the floor  
"She's okay. She's going to be okay" Santana whispers as she holds the girl against her. She's going to be okay.

Judy and Russell go to see Quinn first because that's the right thing to do  
"I just need to see for myself" Rachel explains when Santana tries to get her to stop pacing  
"I know but you're making me dizzy, please sit down" Rachel huffs but sits down anyway. She shuffles in her seat for a moment before slouching and impatiently tapping her foot on the floor. Santana just rolls her eyes and closes her eyes, trying to relax for a moment.  
After what feels like hours Judy and Russell walk back into the waiting area. Judy has tear tracks down her face and Russell looks as unsympathetic as ever  
"Where do you think you're going?" Russell demands when Rachel stands and starts to make her way towards Quinn's room  
"I'm going to see Quinn" the brunette replies sternly, daring Russell to argue with her  
"I don't think so. I'm not having you anywhere near my daughter" Rachel huffs and Santana goes to stand up for the tiny brunette but Rachel starts speaking before she has the chance  
"You have no right to call her your daughter. Why are you even here? She wouldn't want you here!" she raises her voice slightly and Santana stands when Russell takes a step towards the girl  
"How dare you!" he shouts and Rachel flinches slightly before straightening her posture and staring Russell straight in the eye "you're a disgusting human being who has no right to be anywhere near my daughter" his raised voice catches the attention of a couple of nurses, one of whom picks up the phone and speaks frantically into it  
"You think I'm the disgusting one, how fucking hilarious" Rachel throws her hands into the air and stamps her foot. Santana's eyes widen "you should be ashamed of yourself. You're an ignorant, small minded little man who has no right to be a father! Quinn is the strongest most inspiring woman I know and she's gone through so much because you can't get over your pride and accept her for her flaws. You kicked her out when she was sixteen years old because she made a mistake! Her whole life has been about trying to make you happy and look where it got her. She was in a car accident that nearly killed her and you weren't around for any of it. She had to learn to walk again! Your own daughter nearly died and you didn't even bother with a phone call! You know nothing about her, she isn't the perfectly little Quinnie that you want her to be. Did you know that she's about to release her first book? Did you know that she's been in a relationship for three years, with a girl by the way? You haven't been around for the past four years so I don't know what you think gives you the right to make an appearance now. I'm going to see Quinn whether you want me to or not and when I come back out here I don't want to see you. Actually, I never want to see you again because you have no right to be involved in Lucy's life. She's happy without you and doesn't need you here to screw things up again" Rachel lets out a deep breath, nods her head and disappears around the corner. Santana shakes her head. Quinn is gay, when did that happen? How did she not know about it and why the hell had no one told her? The fact that Rachel called her Lucy also shocks Santana. Whenever the name had slipped out in high school Quinn had either threatened Santana quite violently or just walked away and ignored Santana for a couple of days. She laughs when she notices Russell standing frozen in the same place that Rachel had left him. There are two security officers standing at the edge of the room watching him. He makes a slight movement and they are at his side immediately  
"Sir, if you could come with us please" the man frowns and starts to protest but the bigger of the two security men takes him by the arm and leads him by the arm. Santana looks around to find Judy that Judy is no longer in the room. She shakes her head in disappointment, the woman was never one to stick around.  
"That was absolutely…" she starts but stops as soon as her eyes land on Quinn. She'd seen Quinn after her car accident and that had been horrible but this was nothing compared to that. Her usually perfectly set blonde hair is matted with blood and her face is swollen on one side, the other covered with bruises and cuts. One arm is set in a cast and there are various tubes coming out of her body. The bottom half of her body is covered by a blanket but she can see from a bulge on the left side that her leg is also in a cast. Her whole body just looks twisted. The Latina shakes her head and turns her attention to Rachel who has Quinn's good hand wrapped in her own  
"Lucy Quinn Fabray if you ever scare me like that again I'm going to kill you myself" the brunette shakes her head and presses a kiss to the blonde's fingers just as a tall, and a very beautiful, brunette rushes into the room.


	7. Jennifer

_There are so many things I should be doing right now but I just couldn't wait to show you this chapter. You don't really know her that well yet but I'm already in love with Quinn's girlfriend. I enjoyed writing this chapter so hopefully you'll enjoy reading it. I start college next week so the updates will be a bit further apart but I'll try not to keep you waiting too long!_

__**Jennifer.**

The tall brunette sort of stumbles backwards when her eyes land on Quinn. Santana reaches out to catch her but she rights herself and takes in a deep breath. She doesn't seem to have registered that Rachel and Santana are in the room and Rachel hasn't moved her eyes away from Quinn. Santana takes this moment of silence to look over the girl. She's tall and her long brunette hair almost reaches the bottom of her back. She's beautiful in the most unobvious way and she holds herself with pride and little bit of attitude. Santana smiles, she's going to like this girl  
"Rachel" the brunette mumbles and Rachel's head snaps up  
"Jen" Rachel moves from her spot next to the bed and pulls the other woman into her arms. Santana feels a rush of jealousy run through her but she shakes it off and pushes it to the back of her mind. She clears her throat and both woman turn to face her "Jennifer, this is Santana" she nods and holds out her hand  
"I've heard a lot about you" Santana shakes the other woman's hand and raises an eyebrow  
"That's funny because I've heard nothing about you" Jennifer lets out a small chuckle and nods her head before turning to attention back to Rachel  
"How bad?" she asks and Rachel leads her over to the chair she was previously sat in  
"She has…erm…" she breathes in painfully and Santana is immediately at her side, pressing a comforting hand to the bottom of her back "she had some internal bleeding, she has a couple of broken ribs and one of them punctured her lung. A broken cheek bone, wrist and leg. They are draining her lung because it apparently keeps filling with fluid or something. She's sedated at the moment but they'll be waking her up later tonight or tomorrow. It's going to be okay though. Everything is okay" she repeats it a couple more times, trying to convince herself that everything really is going to be okay. The tiny brunette takes in a shuddering breath and presses herself against Santana, suddenly feeling very exhausted. Santana wraps her arms around Rachel's waist and presses a kiss to the top of her head  
"Quinn, baby. It's Jennifer, I'm here okay. You're going to be okay" the brunette holds back a sob and places a delicate kiss to Quinn's forehead. Santana lets go of Rachel to pull another chair towards the bed. She places herself in the chair and pulls Rachel into her lap, ignoring the way her heart races when Rachel curls into her and sighs.  
An hour later Rachel is asleep in Santana's lap and Jennifer has her face pressed against Quinn's good hand, also fast asleep. Santana had tried to sleep but every time she closed her eyes the beeping of the machines in the room would shake her awake. She couldn't take her eyes off Quinn, worried that if she fell asleep something would go wrong and she'd lose her best friend for good. It's been almost a month since Brittany left and she hasn't returned any of Quinn's phone calls. She's suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. What if Quinn had died? What if Quinn had died without knowing how much she meant to her? They might not be as close as they used to be but Santana will always hold a special place in her heart for Quinn. She'd watched the blonde go through so much over the years and she'd come out of it with her head held high. She was proud of the blonde and she couldn't deal with it if she never got the chance to tell her that  
"Stop thinking" Rachel mumbles against her shoulder and Santana looks down at the girl in her lap "you're thinking extremely loudly" Santana laughs and pulls Rachel even closer to her. There is no gap between them now and Santana is sure that Rachel can feel how fast her heart is racing  
"Why didn't I know that Quinn was gay?" Santana whispers and Rachel laughs  
"You are honestly telling me you didn't know?" Santana rolls her eyes and rests her chin on top of Rachel's head  
"Of course I know. She was more in denial than I was in high school. I just didn't know that she knew" Rachel presses her face against Santana's shoulder and breathes in. Santana smells like vanilla and it sends tingles through Rachel's entire body  
"She was with Jennifer for six months before she even said it out loud" Santana laughs and shakes her head, that's typical Quinn  
"She's happy though, right? That's all that matters" the Latina asks and Rachel lifts her head to look up at Santana. The expression on her face is a mix between worry and uncertainty and Rachel moves the hand that isn't pressed between them to cup Santana's cheek. She runs her thumb along her cheekbone and gives her a gentle smile  
"She's very happy" Santana nods and presses her hand against the one resting on her face. She closes her eyes because Rachel is looking at her like she wants to kiss her and Santana isn't sure she's ready for anyone that isn't Brittany to do that yet. When she opens her eyes again Rachel is looking everywhere but at Santana and the Latina can't help herself. She closes the gap between their faces and presses a small kiss to Rachel's cheek. The tiny brunette flinches slightly and then relaxes completely against Santana. The brunette closes her eyes and swears, just as she's falling asleep, that she hears Santana whisper  
"Soon."

All thoughts of Santana disappear from Rachel's head the next morning when they slowly take Quinn of her sedation  
"It will take a couple of hours" the nurse states as she leaves the room and Santana settles down in her chair, ready to wait. Except, half an hour later Quinn wakes with a heart wrenching scream. Thrashing about in her bed and screaming in agony. Santana stands and goes towards her best friend but Jennifer beats her to it  
"Baby, you're okay. Please Quinn, you need to stay still" the screaming continues and Santana wonders why the fuck a nurse or doctor hasn't come into the room yet "Lucy! Stop, baby please" there is a desperate tone to Jennifer's pleading and the screaming stops and Quinn lies completely still in her bed. Her eyes are wide and her breathing is rapid  
"Quinn, you're okay. Everything is okay" Rachel whispers and Quinn lets out a whimper as one single tears run down her cheek. Santana takes a step towards the bed and takes Quinn's hand in her own. The blonde's eyes have yet to move from staring at the ceiling and her breathing is still too fast  
"Bloody hell Q, you sure know how to make a scene" Quinn's eyes snap towards Santana and she lets out a long breath, a small one sided smile appearing on her face. Beside her Santana hears Jennifer let out a huge sigh of relief and Santana rests her free hand on the brunette's shoulder. Quinn's eyes stay focused on Santana for a second before moving to Jennifer  
"Jen…" there's a hint of desperation in her voice but Jennifer just nods and places a kiss to the blonde's forehead  
"I'm right here baby" she rests her forehead against the only uninjured part of Quinn's and mutters words of comfort into the blonde's ear. Rachel sniffles and that's when Quinn's eyes snap towards the smaller girl  
"Hey" Rachel mumbles and then bursts into tears. Santana takes her hand off Jennifer's shoulder and reaches across the bed to take Rachel's hand. Quinn tries to lift her own hand only to find that it's too heavy to lift. She looks down at her hand to find it wrapped in a cast and that's when it all comes rushing back. The blonde gasps and then loses her breath as a searing pain makes its way across her ribs  
"Ow" she breathes out and closes her eyes "thirsty" she mumbles and Santana immediately fills a cup with some water and guides the straw to Quinn's mouth. Jennifer doesn't seem to want to move her face away from Quinn's and when Santana looks closer she realises that the brunette is quietly sobbing against the side of Quinn's face. They have been here for almost a day now and the girl still hadn't cried, she's guessing these tears are from relief because heck, she could cry right now as well. After taking a few mouthfuls of the water the blonde looks slightly more relaxed and Rachel has finally stopped crying. There's a few moments of silence before Quinn gasps and her eyes widen again  
"What? What is it?" Rachel asks frantically and Jennifer lifts her head, quickly wiping away her tears  
"My leg…why can't I feel my leg?!" Quinn's question is rushed and it takes a second for Santana to register what she's said. When Rachel lets out a quick sigh of relief Quinn whips her head towards the girl and glares  
"It's broken and they have you on some really strong pain killers" the blonde's face falls and then lightens with relief  
"Oh thank fuck for that. Learning how to walk takes a lot of effort" Jennifer surges forward, closes the gap between their faces and catches Quinn's lips in a passionate kiss. It's hesitant but passionate and Santana watches as Jennifer struggles to keep her hands away from Quinn's injured body. The blonde however, is determined to have her closer. She slips her hand out of Santana's firm hold and grips Jennifer's t-shirt tightly. She pulls the brunette towards her roughly and then freezes  
"Always pushing it too far" Jennifer states when she pulls away and Quinn catches her breath as the pain in her ribs slowly becomes a dull ache "I love you" the brunette whispers, placing one last kiss on Quinn's lips before pulling her chair closer to the bed and settling into it, her hand now wrapped around Quinn's.


	8. Shock

_I couldn't resist, have one more!_

__**Shock.**

Quinn is told that she has to stay in the hospital for at least a week. Something that she isn't very happy about but Rachel promises that she'll be there every single day no matter what. Jennifer can only be there in the evenings because of work and Santana flits in and out, not wanting to spend too much time away from Rachel. Quinn is sleeping peacefully when Rachel's thoughts go back to the waiting room and listening to the doctor explain what had happened. A few particular words are still echoing in her head "she's sorry and she loves you". The thing bugging her the most is that Quinn didn't leave a message for Jennifer. The blonde was convinced that she was going to die and she hadn't left her girlfriend any last words. The realisation hits Rachel with force and she gasps loud enough for it to wake Quinn  
"What? What's wrong?" the blonde asks once she's awake enough. Rachel is standing now, her hand covering her mouth "Rachel, what's wrong?" the brunette looks down into Quinn's worried eyes and then falls into her chair  
"You wanted me to know that you love me. You…" she shakes her head "you told Dr Matthews that you love me and you…you" she shakes her head again and Quinn bites her bottom lip  
"Rachel…" she holds out her hand but Rachel ignores her and runs her hand down her face  
"This…" the brunette starts but her words get jumbled before she can speak them "please tell me I'm just over analysing this" Quinn shakes her head, her eyes watering slightly  
"Can you just let me explain" she exhales, the pain in her ribs flaring when she tries to move closer to the girl sat beside her bed. Rachel nods and Quinn holds her hand out again  
"Okay" she takes the blonde's hand and waits for her to explain  
"I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember" she whispers because this is the first time she's saying out loud, to someone else anyway "but I…I accepted a long time ago that this, what we have now, is all I'm getting. And that's okay Rachel, it really is. I love Jennifer, I really do. And she makes me so happy. I just…you'll always be that girl, okay? I'm so sorry" Rachel shakes her head and squeezes Quinn's hand  
"Don't apologise" Quinn gives her a shy smiles and continues  
"What we have now, this friendship that we've built is enough for me. I'm always going to love you, more than you can ever imagine but we would never work Rachel. We'd kill each other" Rachel laughs and nods her head because that's definitely true "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before but I thought I was going to die and you just had to know, alright? Can we just keep this between us?" the sound of someone clearing their throat in the doorway has both girls jumping  
"Santana…what are you doing here?" the Latina does her best to look insulted but can't stop the small smile that spreads across her face  
"Are you kidding? I've known about Q's lady boner for you since freshman year" she pushes the jealousy down and masks it with a smile. She hadn't cared about this whole Quinn and Rachel thing before but now, with all these thoughts about Rachel rushing through her head, it's bothering her slightly "I just came to see if you needed anything?" her question is aimed at Rachel and Quinn watches as the two interact, a small smirk spreading across her face  
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Rachel questions when Santana leaves the room and Quinn raises an eyebrow and laughs loudly.

Throughout the next few days Santana watches Rachel closely. The exhaustion is obvious on the smaller brunette but Rachel determined to deny it. Santana doesn't miss the groans of pain that Rachel lets out every time she thinks someone isn't listening. She's been sleeping in a chair for almost a week now and it's obviously having an effect on her  
"Rachel, why don't you sleep at home tonight?" her eyes widen and she shakes her head violently. It doesn't register to either girl that home means Santana's apartment and nowhere else  
"I'm okay here" she states, her eyes staying glued to a sleeping Quinn  
"Don't lie to me" the Latina narrows her eyes and tries to get the girl to look at her but Rachel is stubborn and keeps her attention focused on Quinn  
"Santana, I'm perfectly okay here. I'll go home when Quinn does" Santana shakes her head and lowers herself down in front of the smaller girl  
"She isn't going anywhere Rachel. She'll be okay if you leave" Rachel shakes her head and continues to avoid looking at Santana. Santana grips the side of her face and looks Rachel straight in the eye "she's going to be okay" Rachel's bottom lip quivers and Santana pulls her into a hug  
"But…" she starts but Santana tightens her grip and buries her face in Rachel's neck  
"Please come home" she whispers and Rachel heart picks up pace "it's really hard to fall asleep without you there" the Latina admits and Rachel just nods her head. This is more complicated than either of them imagined.


	9. Chapter 9

**This chapter took me forever to write but I got there in the end, hopefully you are all happy with it.**

Santana realises how much she need Rachel when the brunette decides to spend the night in her own apartment. The Latina has spent the last couple of hours staring at her ceiling, unable to sleep. She can't seem to function properly without the tiny brunette and it's extremely unnerving. There isn't anyone she can speak to about it either, it has only been a few months since Brittany left and she's worried that people will judge her for moving on so quickly. The blonde is still in her thoughts but it just doesn't hurt as much anymore, Rachel makes everything feel better. She makes the decision to ring Rachel without really thinking about it  
"Hello" Rachel's tired voice comes through the other end of the phone and Santana silently curses herself when she realises its 3am  
"Shit. I'm sorry. I didn't realise the time. I'll let you go back to sleep" she's just about to end the call when Rachel interrupts her  
"No it's okay. What's wrong?" there is shuffling on Rachel's end of the phone and Santana listens as the brunette walks across her apartment  
"I can't sleep" she mumbles, embarrassed that she's relying on Rachel so much  
"Do you want me to come over?" Santana doesn't reply because her answer is yes but its 3am and asking Rachel to get a cab this late would be ridiculous "I'll be there soon" Rachel ends the phone call before Santana can protest and the taller girl can't help the smile that spreads across her face.  
Half an hour later Santana hears her apartment door open and then shut and she listens as footsteps make their way towards her bedroom. There is a pause, an almost whole minute of silence, before the bedroom door opens and Rachel walks in. Neither of them speak, Santana just slides over to one side of the bed and Rachel slips in next to her. The Latina wraps herself around the tiny diva and finally let's sleep take over her body.

When Santana wakes up a few hours later to find the other side of her bed completely empty. She presses her hand against Rachel's side of the bed and finds it cold. Rachel must have left a while ago. Santana sighs and rolls herself onto the other side of the bed, squashing her face into the pillow that smells just like Rachel. How can she miss her when she was only here a few hours ago?  
"Oh you're awake" Santana jumps and rolls onto her back, clutching at her chest  
"Jesus Christ!" she breathes out and glares when Rachel chuckles "I thought you'd gone" she explains when Rachel sits down on the edge of the bed  
"Not yet, I was just making you some coffee" she places the steaming cup on the bedside table and leans towards Santana "I've got to get to the theatre now though" she hesitantly places a kiss on Santana's cheek and leaves the room before Santana has the chance to say anything in reply.

Santana spends the rest of the day at the office, going over and over the same files. She can't get Rachel out of her head and her cheek is still tingling from the kiss this morning  
"Oh fucking hell" she shouts and then grimaces when she sees her assistant standing in the doorway  
"I'm sorry but there is a Ms Fabray on line one for you" Santana smiles to herself, she never imagined she'd get this far. Far enough to have her own personal assistant  
"Okay, thank you Katy" the woman nods and makes a quick escape  
"Don't freak out" Quinn states when Santana picks up the phone  
"Well now I'm going to do exactly that" the Latina states  
"But don't, okay?" Quinn asks and Santana sighs  
"Okay. What do you want Fabray, I'm busy" Quinn lets out a long breath and Santana fidgets in her seat, suddenly very nervous  
"Rachel's in the hospital…she hit her head but she's okay! I'm here with her now and she's okay" Quinn keeps repeating that Rachel is okay but all Santana can hear echoing in her head is 'Rachel's in the hospital'. The phone slips from her hand and thuds on the floor, the noise shaking her out of her daze and back into the present  
"I'll be there soon" she states, hanging up the phone and racing out of her office.  
"I'm here to see Rachel Berry!" she says frantically, blowing a piece of her hair out of her face  
"She's in here Santana" she turns around at Quinn's voice behind her and almost knocks the blonde over when she barges into the room"  
"What happened? Are you okay? What can I do?" Rachel laughs and Santana's eyes survey Rachel's body looking for anything out of place  
"Calm down, I'm okay. I just hit my head and my manager insisted that I get checked out" Santana sits down on the edge of the bed that Rachel is currently laying on and inspects the small bump on the brunette's forehead. Without thinking she leans forward and places a small kiss just beside the bump, lingering slightly when she feels Rachel lean into the touch  
"Are you sure you're okay?" she asks and Rachel nods, not trusting herself to speak right now.

That night when Santana falls asleep pressed against Rachel's side Rachel lays awake, running her fingers through the Latina's hair and wondering when the hell she fell in love with Santana Lopez.


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm so sorry for not updating sooner! I've been absolutely swamped with college work. Don't hate me for this chapter, it's just the way the story has to go!**

**Enjoy!**

Santana walks into her apartment to find Rachel sprawled out across the sofa, lightly snoring with her hand hanging off the sofa. Santana smiles at the brunette, just letting herself look at Rachel. It isn't until she notices the tear tracks down Rachel's face that her smiles falls  
"Rach" she whispers, gently shaking Rachel's shoulder  
"San?" the brunette questions as she rubs her eyes, blinking away sleep  
"Yeah it's me. Are you okay?" tears instantly spill down Rachel's face and Santana pulls the smaller girl to her  
"He…my…oh god" heavy sobs shake Rachel's body and Santana climbs onto the sofa with her girl, still holding her tightly  
"Rachel honey what is it? What happened?" just as she's about to talk the apartment door swings open, hitting the wall with force, and Quinn rushes into the room  
"No" she whimpers the second she looks at Rachel. The blonde's legs give way and she crumbles to the floor, sobbing into her hands  
"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" Santana asks desperately "Rachel, what happened?" she takes the brunettes face in her hands and her heart almost breaks at the sadness she sees in Rachel's eyes  
"My daddy died."

The first time Santana had met LeRoy Berry she wished her father was as loving and caring. He was a small man but the scarier of the two. On the flight back to Lima, with Rachel asleep beside her, she thinks about how he'd taken her aside when Finn had outed her. He'd told her that no matter what she could talk to him because he knew what it felt like. She'd never taken him up on that offer, and now, sitting next to a grieving Rachel, she wishes she had. The past couple of days had been quiet. Rachel didn't want to talk and neither did Quinn. Santana had been completely unaware of this but apparently LeRoy had been like the father Quinn never had  
"Ladies and Gentleman we are about to make our descent, if you could please fasten your seatbelts. Thank you" Rachel jumps awake at the voice and Santana reaches across to take her hand. After Rachel had stopped talking Santana had taken to making as much physical contact with the brunette as possible. She wasn't sure that it made Rachel feel any better but she wasn't protesting so Santana didn't stop  
"Don't let go" Rachel whispers as she laces their fingers together  
"Never" Santana replies as she squeezes Rachel's hand.

Santana drives them to the Berry household. Rachel is sat in the passenger sit, silent as usual, and Quinn and Jennifer are sat in the back quiet as well. The radio is filling some of the silence but it isn't enough to stop the flurrying in Santana's stomach. Silence has always unnerved her. She prefers noise and a lot of it  
"Can you give me a minute?" Rachel asks as they pull into the driveway. Hiram is stood on the front porch staring ahead into nothing. Santana nods and there is no response from either woman in the back seat but Rachel climbs out of the car anyway. The brunette walks halfway there before pausing slightly and then running towards Hiram. She falls into his arms and Santana has to force herself to stay in the car. Quinn is the first to leave the car, placing a small kiss on Jennifer's cheek before opening her door and joining Rachel and Hiram on the porch  
"I guess we should get out now" Jennifer states after about five minutes. Rachel, Quinn and Hiram are walking into the house now and Santana can't help but feel a little left out. She shakes off the feeling, this isn't about her  
"Yeah" she replies and climbs out of the car with a heavy sigh. She feels Jennifer watching her as they unload their bags but she ignores the brunette and walks towards the house.

"Santana" Hiram opens his arms to her when she enters the house and she gratefully accepts. He smells slightly of whiskey but she's not one to judge and really, she doesn't blame him "I wish I could say it's good to see you" she nods against his shoulder and he gives her a warm smile when she pulls away from the hug  
"I'm just going to take these upstairs" she gestures to the bags beside her and he nods. Jennifer is at Quinn's side now and Rachel is pressed against Hiram's side clutching his shirt tightly in her hands. She drops hers and Rachel's bag in the brunette's room and Quinn and Jennifer's in the spare room. There is a heavy weight pressing on her shoulders and she doesn't know where it is coming from.

"I'm going to make some food" she announces when she comes back downstairs. They are all sat in the living room and the only person to really acknowledge her is Jennifer  
"Let me know if you need any help" the brunette states and Santana just smiles appreciatively. She's cooked in this house many times. It had become her safe haven when everything had come out at school, when her Abuela had disowned her. The weight pressing down on her shoulders is moving to her chest now and it's similar to what she felt when Brittany left. It isn't until she steps foot in the kitchen that she realises where the panic is coming from…

"_Santana" the small man walks into the kitchen and presses his hand against the small of her back. She flinches and he instantly retracts his hand "sweetie, are you okay?" she shakes her head. She doesn't know why she came here, why here had been the first place she had thought to come. The walk from her Abuela's house to here had left her soaking wet, the rain only getting heavier as she got closer, and Rachel hadn't even been here  
"She…" she breathes out, her words getting caught in her throat  
"It's okay. You don't have to explain" LeRoy pulls her into his arms and she sobs into his shoulder "you're okay sweetie. It's going to be okay" he reassures her softly_

He had done that several times. Just pulled her into his arms and told her it was going to be okay. She could have used him when Brittany had left, she could use him right now  
"Are you okay?" the voice behind her startles her and she spins round to find Jennifer standing in the doorway of the kitchen  
"Yeah" she mumbles and sticks her head in the fridge. There isn't anything there. She checks the cupboards as she avoids Jennifer's gaze. There isn't anything there either. Everything is empty "I'm going to go to the store, get some food for this week" Jennifer nods but continues to stare at the Latina  
"Would you like some company?" she thinks about saying yes but there are tears burning in her eyes and she just wants to be alone  
"I'm okay, can you just tell Rachel I'll be back soon?" the tall brunette nods before turning away and going back to the others. Santana takes a deep breath. She can do this.

**I don't know when the next update is coming but hopefully it will be soon! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. LeRoy's funeral and the rest of the week is next so hang in there.**

**Thank you :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**This chapter focuses solely on Rachel. I'm used to doing this sort of from Santana's point of view so I hope this goes okay! I enjoyed writing this chapter, the longest one so far (wooo)**

He's there in her dreams. He doesn't do anything, just stands there. And she screams for him. She screams until her throat burns but he doesn't move. Her chest aches constantly as if she's missing something vital, as if there is a gap that needs filling. Her daddy is gone and he's taken a part of her with him. She doesn't know if she do this without him.  
"Rachel…Rach, wake up" she wakes with a scream and comes face to face with Santana. The Latina looks worried and Rachel sighs. This has happened every night since they got to Lima and having Santana see her like this all the time is starting to get tiring. She doesn't want to the Latina seeing her this vulnerable, she doesn't need to keep seeing the worry in Santana's eyes "are you okay?" Santana's voice is laced with concern and Rachel ignores her, choosing to roll over and face away from the other woman. She hears Santana sigh and a couple of seconds later the bed dips as Santana climbs out of it. Rachel waits until she hears the bathroom door shut before letting the tears fall.

She doesn't feel like talking to anyone. She's hardly since a word since her daddy died so she definitely doesn't want to have to thank everyone for their condolences. Most of the people here hardly even knew her father, most of them are just here for the gossip. The funeral hasn't even started yet and Rachel is already exhausted. Santana is standing beside her, holding her hand tightly and she can see most of the Glee club to her left. Kurt, Blaine, Sam, Tina and Mike are standing together, none of them having seen Rachel yet. Rachel catches Kurt's eyes and is just about to walk over when Noah Puckerman steps in front of Rachel. He gives her a small, warm smile before wrapping her in his arms. He lifts her off her feet and she wraps her legs around him and sobs into his shoulder. She feels her hand slip out of Santana's grip as he pulls her away  
"Okay okay" he whispers as he holds her against him with one hand "okay tiny, you're alright" he soothes, running his free hand up and down her back comfortingly. He sits them down on a bench and she continues to sob into his shoulder, mumbling incoherently. After what feels like a lifetime she pulls away, wiping at her face as he smiles softly at her  
"Noah" she whispers as he brushes a tear away with his thumb. She settles herself more comfortably against him and presses her ear to his chest, finding comfort in the heavy beating of his heart  
"I'm here now tiny" he tells her softly, running his fingers through her hair. They stay like that for about five minutes until Rachel remembers that she needs to go back to the church  
"I have to go back" she whimpers and Noah nods against the top of her head "thank you" she tells him. They both pause for a second and before Rachel can really register what she's doing she's pulling Noah's face towards her own and connecting their lips. She feels him hesitate for a second and considers pulling away but then he shifts and she presses against him harder. The kiss is comforting and familiar and it warms Rachel's heart slightly. It distracts her from the burning pain in her chest. Noah clears his throat when she pulls away and when she turns back towards the church she freezes. Santana is standing about five feet away from them and Rachel is suddenly filled with uncontrollable guilt.

By the time Rachel gets back to the church it's time for everyone to take their seats. She takes her seat, Santana's hand immediately gripping her own. She shuffles closer to Santana as the music starts playing, ensuring that as much of her as possible is touching Santana. It's comfort that she can only find in Santana. It isn't anything like the comfort she was searching for when kissing Noah. Its comfort that makes the hole in her chest less heavy. Like Santana is carrying some of the burden.  
The ceremony is simple. Just how her daddy would have wanted it. By the end of it she's exhausted both emotionally and physically. Her head feels heavy and she's gripping Santana's hand so tight her knuckles have gone white  
"Breathe" Santana whispers into her ear and she finds expelling a long breath of air "you're okay" the Latina reassures and Rachel just nods  
"I want to go home" Rachel states and then finds herself being pulled towards Santana's car  
"Rachel!" she hears a voice shout but doesn't turn around "Rachel" Santana pulls her towards the car faster but the voice just gets louder  
"Do you want to talk to him?" Santana asks and Rachel shakes her head "Get in the car" Santana states and Rachel does exactly that. She's just shutting the door when Finn Hudson reaches the car  
"I want to see Rachel" she hears him state and Santana scoffs  
"I'm taking her home" she hears Santana reply. She can feel Finn's gaze through the window  
"Let me talk to her. Rachel!" he shouts and Rachel flinches. She avoids looking out of the window, not wanting to look at him. Santana ignores him and walks around the car to the driver's side. Finn pulls open Rachel's door just as Santana is sliding into her seat  
"Hudson. Shut the fucking door!" Santana demands, her voice stern  
"Rachel. I just want to talk to you. Look, this is a perfect opportunity for…" Rachel doesn't even notice that Santana has got out of the car until she sees her appear behind Finn  
"I said, shut the fucking door" she pulls him away from the car and Rachel closes her eyes when she hears him grunt as the Latina pushes him to the floor  
"Thank you" she whispers as Santana pulls away from the church. The taller woman doesn't reply, just takes Rachel's hand in her own as she drives.

When they get back the house Rachel is so tired she can hardly keep her eyes open. Santana opens the passenger door and pulls her out of the car. She wonders for a second how Santana can lift her like this but then she remembers watching a cheerios practice once and all the confusion disappears. When they get inside the house she can feel everyone looking at her so she buries her face into Santana's neck and lets the smell of the taller girl relax her. She's almost fast asleep when they reach her bedroom  
"Stay" she whispers when Santana puts her on the bed and goes to leave. She knows she's been pushing Santana away but she doesn't want to be alone right now  
"Okay" Santana whispers back and settles in the bed beside Rachel. Rachel sighs as she closes her eyes. She's suddenly wide awake but the exhaustion of the day is weighing heavy on her shoulders. Every time she closes her eyes all she can see is her daddy's face. She feels the sob rise in her throat, looking for an escape "Rachel breathe" Santana states when she looks over at the girl and notices that the brunette isn't breathing. Rachel lets out a breath but the sob follows with it  
"He's gone" she sobs, searching for Santana's hand on the bed. Santana is warm and comforting and everything Rachel needs right now "he's gone" she repeats it over and over  
"I know baby, I know" the term of endearment slips out without Santana noticing it but Rachel definitely notices it. It sticks to her, it grounds her. It reminds her that Santana is here, that Santana is always going to be here.

They go downstairs eventually. Rachel decides that she has to show her face. She has to be strong. It would be what her daddy would want. So, she puts on a brave face, tightens her grip on Santana's hand and accepts everyone's condolences  
"Rachel…I'm so sorry for your loss" it's Mr Schue. She hasn't seen him for years. She smiles at the man and nods her head. He's gotten older, the curls in his hair greying and losing their life slightly. Miss Pillsbury is beside him, their hands entwined. She looks nervous as she offers Rachel a small smile  
"Thank you for coming" her voice is calm but they take it as their cue to move on  
"The sweater vests still give me nightmares" Santana whispers against her ear and Rachel lets out a small laugh whilst resting her head against Santana's shoulder  
"Rachel" she hears her name comes from an all too familiar voice. It's Kurt, his arm wrapped tightly around Blaine's waist. He doesn't say anything, just drags Rachel towards him and wraps her in his arms. She's stiffens but relaxes against him after a moment. He's got a comforting touch and she knows he means well "I'm so sorry" he whispers into her ear and she nods. There is slight break in his voice, as he speaks and she can almost feel his emotion  
"I'll call you" she states when he pulls away. He nods, places a kiss on her cheek and walks away, giving Santana a small smile as he does. Quinn appears in front of them soon after Kurt has left, her eyes red and watery  
"Hey" her voice is soft and delicate  
"Hey" Rachel replies, pulling the blonde into a hug. They stay in each other's arms until Quinn lets out a shuddering breath  
"How are you holding up?" the blonde asks, brushing a piece of hair away from Rachel's face. The brunette pulls in a long breath and nods her head  
"I'm doing okay" she states and Quinn nods, turning her head and locating Jennifer just behind her  
"I'll come find you later, okay?" Rachel nods and turns to Santana as Quinn walks away  
"I need a drink" she pulls Santana away from the crowd before the Latina has a chance to reply. She needs an alcoholic drink. A strong alcoholic drink.

People are crying. There are crying people everywhere. It makes her angry. She isn't crying, Quinn isn't crying. Her dad isn't even crying. Why do these people feel like they have the right to cry? It takes Santana squeezing her hand to bring her down from her rage  
"It isn't fair" she explains and Santana nods  
"I know but getting angry at them won't do anyone any good" she nods her head. Santana makes sense but the anger is still bubbling in her stomach. She continues to watch everyone whilst sipping her drink, it's a little too strong but it's calming her nerves "you want another one?" she hears Santana ask and her eye widen in surprise when she looks down to find her glass empty  
"Please" she mumbles and Santana takes the glass to refill, leaving her alone for a second. A second too long  
"Rachel" it's her dad. She realises then that she hasn't seen since they were at the church. Guilt surges inside of her when she notices his red puffy eyes. He pulls her towards him and she takes a moment to just enjoy being in her arms. Trying not to feel too guilty when all she can do is wish she were in her daddy's arms instead. They feel different. She always went to LeRoy for comfort. He was the one who would hold her as she cried. He would do anything and everything for her. Hiram was the voice of reason between them, the one that calmed down their dramatic ways "it's okay baby" he whispers and she realises then that she's crying. She resists the urge to pull away from him, to seek comfort somewhere else. He's too much of a reminder and the guilt is threatening to swallow her whole. It isn't until she hears Santana's worried voice behind her that she finally pulls away from him. She knows he'll understand now. He'll understand. She repeats it in her head over and over as she falls into Santana, the Latina only just catching her. He has to understand  
"Rach baby, breath" she's clutching onto Santana's shirt and pressing her face further and further into the taller girls shoulder. Her head spins and she squeezes her eyes shut tightly, willing everything and everyone to disappear.

A blinding light wakes her and she rolls away from the window as she rubs her eyes. It's morning and she's in her bed, alone  
"Santana" she mumbles. Her throat is sore and her head is pounding. She feels hungover but she knows that isn't the case. The one drink she had yesterday wasn't that strong  
"I'm here" she hears Santana mumble from somewhere across the room. The brunette reaches out of her hand and she only has to wait a couple of seconds before Santana is at her side "you okay?" she asks, taking Rachel's hand and brushing brunette hair away from a tired face  
"No" Rachel whispers, half hiding her face into her pillow  
"What can I do?" Santana climbs onto the bed and Rachel moulds herself around the taller girl "I'll do anything" the way Santana holds her and the way her voice is filled with nothing but promises makes her feel warm inside. Santana makes her feel a little bit less broken  
"Take me home" the Latina nods against the top of Rachel's head and the brunette sighs with relief.

The goodbyes are brief. Hiram states over and over that he understands why Rachel wants to leave but she can't help but feel guilty. She feels slightly better when Hiram states that he's going away from a while. Escaping the prison that is Lima, Ohio for somewhere a bit more exotic  
"I love you dad" she whispers against his chest  
"I love you too baby girl" he kisses the top of her head and then does the same to Quinn. He gives Santana a wink and a soft smile which she returns gratefully. When they pull away from the house and start the drive to the airport Rachel sighs gratefully. It's time to go home.

**I apologise for any mistakes, it's late and I really want to post this before I get buried in all my college work. I hope to update soon but hang in there if I don't. Thank you!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Finally, another update! I apologise for taking so long to update. I was in Prague with college this week and it was absolutely amazing. We took a 6 hour drive to Poland to go to Auschwitz and it was so heart-breaking and eye opening. And then I've been ill since but I'm back now so enjoy!**

A month passes by without too much incident. Santana and Rachel get closer as the days go by and Rachel doesn't stay in her own apartment unless it's absolutely necessary. It isn't until she finds herself staying in Santana's apartment, without Santana, that she realises she really needs to do something about her ever growing feelings.

"Go on a date with me" the words fly out of her mouth without any warning. They are sat in Santana's living room watching Funny Girl, Rachel curled into Santana's side. Santana freezes slightly and Rachel immediately regrets the words "never mind, just forget I said anything" the brunette slides away from Santana and stands  
"No, Rach…wait" Santana holds her hand out but Rachel moves quicker  
"No, just…just leave me alone" she stands in front of the front door and freezes when she realises she doesn't want to anywhere else. Even if Santana is about to reject her she doesn't want to be anywhere but here  
"Rachel" she turns around slowly and Santana is stood about a foot away from her, worry spread across her face  
"Can we just forget…"  
"No" Santana states louder than she intended "I don't want to forget…I'd love to go on a date with you. I'd love to take you out on a date" the Latina watches as Rachel takes in a shuddering breath before nodding  
"Okay" she states and Santana holds her hand out to the brunette who willingly takes it in her own. They both try and contain their smiles as they sit back in front of the television, butterflies erupting in the pits of their stomachs.

"That's it, I'm not going. Ring Rachel and tell her I'm not coming" there is a laugh from somewhere behind her and she glares into the mirror "this isn't funny Quinn. Shouldn't you be helping Rachel get ready anyway" she huffs and runs her fingers through her unruly hair  
"Jennifer is with her, she asked me to come here" Santana glares again and then groans when she pokes herself in the eye with her eyeliner "seriously, what is wrong with you? You weren't even this nervous when you started officially dating…" the blonde trails off and Santana takes a deep breath  
"I'm going to screw this up" she explains as she turns to face Quinn  
"Don't be stupid Santana. This is your first date, what could you possibly screw up?" Santana shakes her head and turns her attention back to her make up  
"Just forget I said anything" she sees Quinn shake her head and then lets out a long breath when the blonde gets up from her seat on the edge of the bath and leaves the bathroom. When Quinn returns Santana has finally finished her make-up and is tackling her unruly mass of hair. She almost cries with relief when Quinn passes her a glass of wine, the liquid relaxing her instantly as it runs down her throat  
"If it makes you feel any better Rachel looks absolutely stunning" Santana stops fighting with her hair and glares at Quinn again  
"How do you know what she looks like?" the smug smile on Quinn's face makes her want to repeat a very satisfying moment from high school, one involving a sharp slap to the blondes face  
"Jen sent me a picture" the smug smile is still there and it gives Santana something else to think about. For a moment she's distracted from the nerves that settled deep in her stomach the second she agreed to go on a date with Rachel  
"Show me" Quinn shakes her head and Santana attempts to snatch the phone of her hand  
"Get ready. You have half an hour" the thought of what Rachel might look like tonight is enough to motivate her to finish getting ready.

"Have fun" Quinn whispers as she slips past Rachel and joins Jennifer outside. Santana is too distracted to reply. Rachel is more than absolutely stunning, she's beautiful, and in ways that Santana didn't even think a human being could be beautiful. The brunette is wearing black skin tight jeans with a pair of black heels, a white blouse and a black blazer. The heels and jeans make Rachel's legs look like they go on for miles and Santana can't help but imagine what those legs would feel like…  
"You look amazing" Santana is snapped out of her daze when Rachel takes a step towards her  
"And you look…" she's lost for words until she sees Rachel self-consciously tug on her blazer "absolutely…beautiful" the last words comes out breathlessly and the Latina becomes very aware of how close they are standing. She could easily reach across and kiss Rachel right now but she doesn't think she'd be able to stop and they have reservations at a really good restaurant  
"How about we just…stay here? Forget the reservations" when she words fall out of Rachel's mouth Santana almost chokes on the air she's breathing. The brunette is in her personal space now, her small hands resting lightly on Santana's hip  
"God…" she breathes out as she tries to ignore the Goosebumps that have erupted all over her body. If this is how she reacts to a simple touch how is she going to react when they finally… "we…we should go…later" her words stumble out of her mouth and she can't help but glare when Rachel lets out a small laugh  
"Okay. Later" Santana is sure she sees the brunette wink but before she can think about it too much Rachel is grabbing her hand and pulling her towards a cab.  
Santana doesn't snap out of her gaze until they are driving towards the restaurant. It's like she suddenly realises where she is and how important this is. She twists her body so she's facing Rachel and gives her a light smile  
"You really do look beautiful" she almost whispers it whilst tucking a piece of Rachel's hair behind her ear. It's down tonight, her long curls hanging over one shoulder  
"as do you" Rachel replies and catches Santana's hand as it brushes against her cheekbone. The urge to kiss Rachel is back and she's slowly leaning in, about to completely close the distance between them when the taxi pulls to stop and the driver shouts the fare at them. They both groan but, after some protest from the brunette, Rachel walks into the restaurant whilst Santana pays the driver. The Latina walks towards the waiting brunette with butterflies exploding in the pit of her stomach, her nerves making every hair on her body stand to attention  
"Ready?" she asks when she reaches Rachel and the brunette's bright smile almost makes her knees weak  
"Definitely" Rachel replies and Santana's knees really do go weak when the smaller girl grabs the Latina's hand and pulls her towards there table.


	13. Discontinued

**I'm really sorry to have to tell you guys that I am discontinuing this story. I don't feel able to write it any more for it and I hope you can forgive me. There are multiple personal reasons as to why I haven't updated and I now no longer feel able to carry it on.**

**I also just want to take a second to say Rest In Peace to Cory Monteith. I am heartbroken and devastated and all my thoughts go out to Lea Michele, the rest of the cast and his friends and family. Glee won't be the same without him.**


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